Fanfics: I'm Making Fun Outta You
by Nykwholet
Summary: A collection, I guess, of parodies of common fanfics, such as but not limited to The 'Akatsuki warped out of my TVComputerElectronic Device', High School Romance fics, Mary Sue fics, and 'I got sucked into the Naruto world.' Rated T just in case.
1. The Lanuage Barrier

Eh... This has been rolling around in my head for a while. I don't really want to continue it, so it'll be a oneshot, I guess.

Disclaimer: My name is Nykwholet, not Masashi Kishimoto. If it was, I'd be swimming in money. And I probably wouldn't speak English all that well.

* * *

It's time for me to watch Naruto Shippuden. It only updates once a week, so it's like a treat for me. As I click the link on my Bookmark toolbar, I waited anxiously for the internet to load. I see the website appear, link by link, image by image.

Suddenly, out of the blue, my computer screen turns bright, highlighter yellow, and then quickly turns blood red, both surprising me and making me eyes hurt more than Yaoi fanfics written in chatspeak. I see two blobs of black, red, blue, and yellow pop out of my computer. They resemble those poop animal keychains that you squeeze their stomaches and brown rubbery stuff comes out their posteriors. The two blobs take a human shape and the black part become Akatsuki cloaks. I look at them, shocked out of my mind as I look to their faces. It's Akasuna no Sasori and Deidara.

Deidara rubs his stomach and groans. "Dokoni tabemono a arimasu ka?"

I look at him. "Eh? What'd you say?"

Sasori looked at me. "Nihon go o hanashi masu ka?"

I look at the short ninja. "What?" I realized that they only spoke Japanese. I started to panic. I only knew very little Japanese, like 'Inu' or 'Kai' or 'Ohayo'. I suddenly remember what 'No' is in Japanese. "Iie."

I looked to Deidara with a worried look on my face. I look him up and down, looking for something.

He puts a confused expression on his face. "Nani?"

As he says it I have the luck of looking at his torso. "Thank whatever higher entity for Dattebayo subs."

* * *

A/N I know it is very short. I know. Also thank whatever higher entity for my Grandpa, who gave me his WW2 Japanese Phrase Book.

P-please don't hurt me!


	2. Hate to Inseperable Love in One Chapter

Eh… I'll be writing these in a strange perspective… Just a warning.

* * *

Today during school, my class had six new students. They are all exchange students from Japan, names are sorta difficult to remember. There was a fatty named… Choshi Akimiji or something. He hung out with Inow Yakama (or was it Mahayana?) and Chikamadoo Nada. The other three were weird. The overly hyper kid I suspect may have ADHD is Narotu Umakazi; the pink headed fangirl is… Sakooda Heron and the depressed kid is Sacked Chua. I think that's their names... 

They're really annoying. They sat down around me, except for Chikamadoo and Sacked. Sakooda and Inow took seats in front of me, Narotu and Choshi sat next to me.

"When dango is served?" asked Sakooda.

"What? What's a dango?" I felt confusion grip my neck.

"You know… Dango," Inow said. I looked at her.

"Never mind dango…where's the ra- I mean… Noodles, 'tebayo?" Narotu yelled. I still have to figure out what –Tebayo and Dattebayo are.

"They should be serving pasta in the cafeteria later," I suggested. "There's some instant ramen for an extra dollar there, too." See? I am somewhat aware of Japanese culture.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked at it and its pale white glory. I peered over my shoulder at the owner to see that he was looking at me with a smirk. I really dislike these types of people with smirks. He was plotting something evil. May as well ask what he wants with me. "What do you want, Duck-butt?"

His two fan girls, Sakooda and Inow, gasped in shock, and then grew evil faces of their own. Narotu laughed like there was no tomorrow. Choshi looked up; this girl didn't worship the ground the bird-clad heart-throb walked on. This was…new.

The bell rang and I got up to go to my next class. The six Japanese students looked at me strangely. Chikamadoo spoke up for them. "Why are you walking out of this class?" He pronounced every syllable, as if it was important for English.

I mocked him by emphasizing abbreviations in my response. "Ah, It's time ta go ta da nex' class. Wha', you guys do i' diff'ren'ly?" His facial expression was priceless as he tried to decipher what I said. It took him a while.

"Ah, at Japan, teachers rotate instead of… Students," he said everything carefully, but packed his suitcase-thing up quickly. The other five followed suit and ran for their classes. I walked to mine, but only because it wasn't too far from my first class.

I sat down in the back corner and copied the notes off the overhead. As I finished writing everything down, as if on queue, Chicken-butt, Sakooda, and Narotu burst in the room. "Sorry! We are late for this class –Tebayo!" Narotu yelled. Well, there goes the rest of my peaceful day. Unfortunately, they took seats surrounding me again.

Chicken-butt looked at me, as if examining my soul. Almost as if he could see everywhere I screwed up, the things I regret, and my qualities that I disliked the most. I hid my nervousness with a glare. He glared back; showing his smirk again. I looked away and copied more notes down.

"Jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk…" I muttered that word multiple times until I noticed that I was writing it, too. I shut up and erased it all and glared at the paper, as if the heat of the glare could somehow reach him.

…

…

…

…

Chapters Later…

I looked at the man of my dreams. His beautiful onyx eyes glanced softly back at me, his hair matching them perfectly. I smiled; this was the man I wanted to be with for the rest of my life.

"I'm sorry, but I must leave you. I'm returning to Japan. I fear this will be the last time I see you." We hugged each other close. We couldn't stand being a couple classes away, how will we cope with being half a planet away?

"I won't be able to see you again? Can we send letters?" I sobbed into his shirt.

"Don't worry. There's always the internet." He kissed my forehead, and I blushed lightly. Yes, there is always the internet.

* * *

A/N I can't believe I wrote that. Ah well. I always wondered how Sasuke and "I" would get along. Of course I got lazy, so the "... Chapters Later..." was a must. It's ironic that this is how some fanfics go. 

Poor Choji.


	3. Peppermints

Masumi, given the title 'dead last squared', stood in a meadow. She failed the academy test, for the fifth time in her life. Adjusting her horn-rimmed glasses, she sat down on the hill going into the meadow. 'It's a pretty site,' she thought, but then added, 'with me out of the picture.'

After a few minutes of mindless staring, Masumi picked herself up and hobbled to the Leaf Village. She had scraped her shin during kunai practice. The teacher had told her to hold a box of the knives, and she dropped them all over the ground, and one had grazed her right leg on its way to the dirt.

'That's IT! I am going to work at the dango shop and listen to my classmate's stories. I quit being a Shinobi!' She made a very Lee-like fist of determination.

Unlocking her house and removing her shoes, she tripped on the step into the house for the second time that day. Wincing, she got on all fours and crawled her way to her bedroom, leaving her parents at the dinner table. They were only photos. Her parents had died a long time ago, on a mission.

Going to sleep on the floor- she was too poor to own a bed-, Masumi dreamed about being Hokage. The dream was basically holding a signature stamp and using it to approve of farmers paying fewer taxes than anyone else. A mob went to storm her office, and she had run straight to Wave country, like the coward she believed herself to be.

She woke up, but not on the oh-so-familiar floor of her room. She was lying in a cave, tied down. Panic was the first feeling that coursed through her body. She was kidnapped. Someone had taken her from her house- and probably destroyed it also- and tied her down.

She examined the walls of the cave. Just stone. Suddenly, she heard a voice from behind her. Scrambling to face the person while still tied down, she looked up to see a blurry nukenin everyone used to praise.

Squatting behind her, Uchiha Itachi shoved a rice cake into her mouth. Masumi realized that because of the tasteless clump of rice in her mouth, she couldn't talk. Her eyes widened in terror as Itachi's face got closer and closer.

"Yes, Kisame, she does appear to have an odd variation of the Sharingan." Said fish walked over to examine her face.

Masumi could barely see it, but the blue-skinned sidekick squinted and stared at her eyes. She had done that so often in the bathroom, criticizing herself and appearance. Her eyes looked like peppermints- white with red stripes swirling around a bleached pupil. What's even worse was that she could barely see anything because of it.

Masumi hiccupped, coughing out half swallowed rice and shredded seaweed. Food splattered all over Itachi's and Kisame's faces. Itachi got angry immediately, and told Kisame to use a Suiton jutsu to stop her hiccupping.

Masumi immediately filled with fear and braced herself for the impact, but it never came. She opened one eye to see what had prevented her getting drenched, and realized that both ninjas looked as if they had been picked up and thrown like dolls.

She realized that her paranoia had finally worked for her, finding a knife in her pocket so that she could cut the ropes. Freeing herself of the thick coils, she sprinted towards the village.

Masumi wasn't looking where she was going, and tripped on a rock, sending her glasses five feet in front of her. Behind her, she could hear two people running after her. Abandoning her ugly glasses, she allowed fear to propel her up until she was in front of the gates of Konoha. She tripped again, and the two ninjas following her stopped before they were in earshot of the village. She squinted until her weird eyes were barely noticeable and knocked on the gate. The doors were opened and the spiky haired guy she never bothered to learn the name of checked her identification.

"Open your eyes please," the blue-haired man with the bandage on his nose requested. Masumi looked down at her feet, not wanting to show the monstrosities. The man gently took her forehead into his hand to make her look up at him. Somehow, he pried her eyes open and saw the peppermint pattern. "Oh, you're the girl who got kidnapped. The Hokage'll want to see ya."

"Okay," Masumi mumbled. He took her hand and walked her to Tsunade's office.

Once they entered, Spiky-Blue-haired bandage guard guy poofed away with a teleportation jutsu.

"There's something I want to tell you, Miss Masumi. However, I believe you have some explaining to do. How in the world did you escape and outrun two S-ranked criminals?" Tsunade leaned over her table to look at the little girl.

"I cut the rope they tied me up with. I found a knife in my pocket. An' I just ran as quickly as I could to the village," Masumi tried to explain with the least amount of speaking.

Tsunade raised her eyebrow. "They must've not cared about you as much, then. I mean, it's not like you're a Jinchuuriki or anything, right?"

Masumi looked up. "Didn't you have something you wanted to tell me?"

"Oh yeah," Tsunade reminded herself by looking at a small sticky note on her desk, and then responded coolly, "You have a rare blood line that only occurs when the Byakugan and Sharingan are merged. It's called the Byaringan! Basically, when in normal mode, it destroys your eyes, but when in use, they can spot real things versus fakes and counterfeit! The last person recorded to have it was an unknown founder of this country and helped create paper money so that only he could tell what was counterfeit and what wasn't! Good luck, and use them wisely!" The Hokage grinned, and Masumi realized that her eyes contained a power no one else possessed.

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A/N: I'm... Alive... Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine. If Masumi sounds like your character, it isn't, however, I suggest rethinking your character if she does because she isn't very original. 


End file.
